I’ve had a lot to do since my last post. In case you were wondering. I lost my husband of 3o years. Losing someone is not easy. Especially, if the one you’ve lost is a significant other. Your best friend and confidant. A long time companion you could tell anything to. That person you could rely on. To pick up where you left off. The person who finished sentences you started. Or, just maybe the person you trusted most. It’s been quite a challenge, picking up the pieces of my sanity. However, I did go back to work. The support there has been wonderful. I really need that.
I’ve been taking care of the property all by myself. What a mess it’s turned into. There’s so much to do. You don’t realize how much of a help your partner was, until you don’t have them around. Those little things you took for granted. Smalls things that pop up and become a huge endeavor. How much he did, to make my life easier. I never had to clean stalls or mow the pasture, feed the horses or mend the fences by myself. He made sure I had plenty of feed and hay. All of it was, what he called “man’s work”. He never thought I should have to do any of it.
The very things we use to argue over. I didn’t want him to do it all. Never the less, he did it any way. He wanted me to be able to enjoy my horses and not have to work so hard. My husband was so proud of me. He loved to watch me work and ride my horses. It was his enjoyment. He could no longer ride. I suppose he was still living the dream through me. I miss his presence. Riding the horses now, just seem pointless. My biggest fan no longer motivates me to ride. That one person who cheered me on, even when my ride wasn’t as good as I thought it should be.
In spite of it all. The horses are my refuge. I may not be riding, but they constantly remind me, there are better days ahead. I won’t let this get me down to the point of giving up. I know for a fact, my husband wouldn’t want that. He would be very disappointed.