Why should I be afraid of death?


I have this overwhelming feeling, of having been defeated, again. I’ve only ever felt this way about riding, one other time in my life. An other horse related accident, which left me overwhelmingly, petrified of horses. I spent the next decade without a horse. Neither accident was mine, nor the horses fault. Never the less, I still can’t help but wonder, “why am I still riding at my age?” Never knowing, whether the next event may take me out completely. Being older, fat and out of shape doesn’t help. I was working on getting myself in shape before the accident. Doing quite well, I might add. And now, I’ve been cemented in my tracks, again! It seems like a roller coaster ride.

In this thing we call life, there are so many turn of events, that could cause fatal results. Though, I, try not to think about them at all. Why should I be afraid of death? We’re all going to face it one day. Remembering the accident, and how I felt, right before I passed out, wondering if I were going to wake up at all. There are several questions that come to mind now. Have I, done something, just anything, worth while in my life, that makes a real difference, in the life of someone else? Am I, a good wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, grandmother?, and the list could go on…Truthfully…Why, hell no! I could do better.

There’s a song “Dying To Live“, by Jonny Lang, ringing in my head.

“Dying To Live”

You know I’ve heard it said there’s beauty in distortion
By some people who withdraw to find their head
And they say there is humor in misfortune
No, I wonder if they’ll laugh when I am dead
Why am I fighting to live
If I’m just living to fight
Why am I trying to see
When there aint nothing in sight
Why am I trying to give
When no one gives me a try
Why am I dying to live
If I’m just living to die
You know some people say that values are subjective
But they’re just speaking words
That someone else has said
And so they live and fight and kill with no objective
Sometimes its hard to tell the living from the dead
You know I used to weave
My words into confusion
And so I hope you’ll understand me
When I’m through
You know I used to live my life as an illusion
But reality will make my dream come true
So I’ll keep fighting to live
Till there’s no reason to fight
And I’ll keep trying to see
Until the end is in sight
You know I’m trying to give
So come on
Give me a try
You know I’m dying to live
Until I’m ready to die

“And they say there is humor in misfortune, No, I wonder if they’ll laugh when I am dead”. No doubt, who ever threw the object at my horse, never gave a single thought, to what could have really happened. And, I’m sure they were clueless, about, how a horse might react. Jokes and pranks are played on people everyday with funny endings. Even my grand-daughter, does crazy stuff with the horses, not thinking about the consequences. It’s what kids do.  Adults, on the other hand, should know better. I can’t hold the person responsible, for their lack of knowledge. I run across all sorts of folks, that are unfortunately clueless about horses. Riding along the roadsides, people are honking their horns, driving past you to fast, running up behind you to close on a bicycle, etc…and green riders that compromise the safety of you and your animal.

Sometimes, even attending equine related events, are like playing russian roulette with your life.  Most people today, don’t spend enough time with their horses, much less ride them. It’s a daily commitment, to build up a trusting relationship with a horse. It takes even longer in the saddle. Years past, horses were ridden daily. I, rode, as much as 6-7 days a week. It was just something we did. Most horses ridden now, don’t have enough time on them. Our horses aren’t ridden as much as I’d like, but all of them have more than 1000 hours of trail time. In my opinion, a horse should have at least that many hours on him, before I’d call him, dead broke.

Let’s make no mistake about it…I, DO NOT think, they’re is a single “BOMB PROOF” horse out there. If you think there are,… you are delusional. It pisses me off to no end, someone, who represents a horse that is. These ads are for those less knowledgeable. Mouse is a prime example, of a dead-broke horse, and he blew up! Off my soap box, now.

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Posted in Daily Rambling
2 comments on “Why should I be afraid of death?
  1. I’m a stickler for safety too (which is why I haven’t just thrown on a saddle and hopped on my mustang). It annoys me to no end that people, including “horsemen,” don’t respect these incredibly large, prey animals that we trust our lives to. In no way was Mouse at fault for your accident, he was just being a horse, but the people throwing things at a horse….come on. You throw anything at any animal and they’re bound to react. People need to respect one another. Just drive past, keep all hands and arms (and trash) inside the vehicle. It’s not much to ask.

    Off my soapbox, too. I’m just infuriated FOR you. Don’t let it get to you. If you’ve got to stay in the arena for a while, it’s always worth it.

    • highonhorses says:

      Aha, safety and respect for animals. A topic not discussed enough between horsemen. I agree, Mouse is in no way responsible. He got hit, reacted and we both suffered the consequences. What I hate most about this is, I just over a torn ligament in by lower back. I was just simply cleaning my horses hooves, she jerked slightly and voila! It took me over a year and half to recover. lol Here’s to starting over new, one day at a time. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule, and read my story. I certainly enjoy reading about Smokey. He’s lucky to have you. Cheers, Susan

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"It's better to ride even if you get thrown, then to wind up just wishing you had." - Chris LeDoux.
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